Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A new year
A new love
A new life
A new goal
A new aspiration
A new home
A new outlook
A new necklace
A new friend
A new year

Another year past
Another love lost
Another life left behind
Another goal Achieved
Another aspiration completed
Another home of memories not forgotten
Another outlook relooked at
Another necklace in the garbage
Another friend I realized I am better off without
Another year I am happy is over.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I did


I've made mistakes in my life, I will admit.
I've let people take advantage of me.
And I've accepted WAY less then I deserve.
But I've learned from my bad choices and
even though there are
some things
I can never get back,
and there are some people that,
will never be
sorry.
I'll know better next time, and I will never settle for less then I deserve.

Monday, December 22, 2008

unfortunately you are bitter.
if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I hate waiting
the longer you wait
the harder it is to deal with
the harder it is to go through with it
no matter how right the decision is
waiting is the hardest part
because when you wait,
you think,
when you think,
you go over every 'what if'
and it's all over from there
then your heart is confused
is it right?
is it wrong?
could I do it?
could I fail?
I just wish it was over with.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

she has fair skin
and her eyes are pretty
her heart is open
but no one is aloud in.
It's where she hides her darkest secrets,
It's where they are best kept.
I can smile, and pretend it's all okay
You'll never know the difference,
you don't even know me.
you don't know the words
I don't know the way...

to tell you is to hurt you, and I want to do both.

Horoscope

Although your life is looking up these days, it may be hard to take an opportunity and turn it into something very concrete. Several big pieces seem to be in place now, yet they don't fit together as simply as they should. Don't try to force it if it isn't working. Soften your stand and let events unfold on their own schedule, not yours

Monday, December 15, 2008

It starts as...

a mistake, an accident, something slipped, something missed,
resulting in a being, a person, a heart beating inside your heart,
and you make the choice...

and he'll never know

Friday, December 12, 2008

Horoscope

Your convictions run strong now and you are quite focused on your long-term plans. Yet at the same time your thoughts are running all over the map; you don't even know where to begin as you attempt to regain control. Unfortunately, your friends and partners can make matters worse by testing you with a variety of distractions. Nevertheless, you have the tools and the drive to stay on track; it's your choice to use them.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Paint That Shit Gold

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

nothing like you

Because, I will not die with sadness in my heart

Monday, December 8, 2008

I think I can

It is all about having faith in yourself,
if you believe in yourself, you can do anything.

I was so busy putting my faith into other people
that I forgot about me

I forgot that I have my career to start, my friends and family to enjoy, and most importantly, that I have a life to build with my son.

This is my chance, to do good by the world, and instill good values and goals in my son, I want him to know anything is possible, any dream, any goal, as long as you have faith.

I want to give him everything I didn't have,
I want him to have respect and be rewarded in life for all the good he does.

I can lead him to the path's and I hope he chooses the right one,
and if I can influence him enough to do good, my life is lived to its fullest.

I love you Mason, more then anything in the world,
You are my purpose in life,
You are my heart.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

If only positive was negative

Saturday, November 29, 2008

medicine and surgery can save me
what about you?
....nothing....that's what I thought
Who are you to judge the life I live? I know im not perfect and I dont live to be, but before you start pointing fingers Make sure your hands are clean♥

I think it's funny you denied it and denied it and swore up and down it would never happen, and now it totally is, you stupid fuck. yes YOU

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008

Knock knock Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment. You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I ****ing love candles! I see you met my dog there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like dogs even though you hate dogs? Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Look at my refrigerator. Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that. We're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture to prove that we were partying. But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all ****es. Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Be right back... Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go! Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe. Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. Now let's talk about my family. I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute! Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out. Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! Oh hey, what a coincidence. It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you! Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now. Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Walmart a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

This disturbs me

AIDS official says that the: HIV virus is spreading fast in Russia

Steve Gutterman, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS


MOSCOW - A top Russian anti-AIDS co-ordinator has lambasted the government's approach to fighting HIV, saying the number of registered cases is growing 10 per cent a year despite increased federal funding.

Vadim Pokrovsky, head of the state-funded Federal AIDS Centre which is charged with co-ordinating efforts, points to a misguided focus on treatment instead of prevention.

He says it has undermined efforts to combat AIDS.

Pokrovsky says Russia still has no national policy on fighting AIDS.

Each day about 130 new cases are registered in Russia.

Pokrovsky estimates there are more than a million Russians infected with HIV - or almost one per cent of the country's 142 million population.

Officially, Russia has registered less than half that number at 470,000.

A large number are young drug users infected by dirty needles or tainted communal drug supplies, experts say.

However, widespread social stigmas, misinformation and official denial mean many people remain unaware they are at risk of being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

Some regional governors "have simply refused to acknowledge the problem of AIDS," Pokrovsky said Friday.

Others, assuming higher spending would make the problem go away, have done little to publicize the problem, he said.

"Everyone needs to understand that this is a threat to the nation, and it's necessary to mobilize as one would for war," Pokrovsky said.

He urged the government to devise a clear strategy for informing citizens about HIV, and said funding would have to be used more wisely for results.

Starting in 2006, the government - enriched with oil-boom proceeds - exponentially increased funding for the battle against AIDS as part of a push to improve health care and stem Russia's population decline.

The government says budget spending for HIV-related activities last year amounted to 10.7 billion rubles ($445 million) and was more than 50 times higher than in 2005.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Horoscope

There are so many big things in transition now that it's hard to pick just one and talk about it. In these days prior to Thursday's Sagittarius New Moon, you need to look back into your past and deep into your soul for the truths that can guide your life into the future. Keep in mind that you don't have to tell anyone about your inner journey today; it's yours and yours alone.

All the right reasons

Normally I'd be upset or mad, about the things I see of you
but I have realized that you don't make me happy.
You make me feel bad for things I didn't do,
You force me to admit things that I know are untrue.
You pushed and pushed, acting like you're the only one
You didn't realize, my number 1 is my son.
You felt that only you could be affected by all these things,
didn't stop to think about the toll it's taken on me.
I'm the one going through it, it is my life that is changing,
rearranging,
to fit this society of normality wtf is that anyways.
I'm glad I had the chance to love you
I'm even more glad I had the chance to let you go.
You only would have pulled me down

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

HiPhOp LoVe <3

I introduce to you
Edwords and Moofeek



Their Music Makes Me Hot
Listen

http://ursession.com/edWORDS

Goodbye

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I can live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

fuck you

u have been thinking about the big picture -- something you do very well -- yet today it's time to turn your grandiose ideas into action. Fortunately, courageous Mars is in your adventurous sign now, giving you plenty of energy to accomplish your goals. You are standing at the edge of a very dynamic period of growth, so don't hesitate to do whatever is necessary.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I don't have to wonder anymore
I don't have to care
You are free to do what you want
and I have no say.

nor can I share
my day with you
or tell you how I feel
you'll probably just shut me out
and that is fair and real.

It's probably for the best..
this way.
There's no more tears
and no more fears
more importantly..

I don't have to wonder
I don't have to care

Sunday, November 16, 2008

where did you go

Horoscope

It's as if you took extra vitamins today, for your energy level is high and can soar even higher if you are willing to let go of your past. Mars is now in your sign until December 27, revving up your motor and supplying you with extra fuel. Don't procrastinate; it's your time to start something fabulous.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

{RandomFact}

One of Hewlett Packard's first ideas was an automatic urinal flusher

Horoscope

You can see right through other people's smokescreens today and the more they deny the truth of your observation, the more transparent they become. Still, you need to exercise a bit of caution around your assumptions, for you could jump to an incorrect conclusion. It's best to take your logic slowly and carefully now. One step at a time is much wiser than leaping ahead too soon.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I can only allow myself to follow these empty halls of heart valves for so long
Up and down these vein wide stair wells
Open my eyes, as they are so black with hate I can not see
Guilt consumes these vocal cords
just give a little push.
like a pin, into a cork board,
I feel the pressure on my heart
to give way and let the sharp cold tip push through
this loveless life, hung high for all to see
love for all but me
please just let me be

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It takes a good friend, to say you've got your head up your ass

{RandomFact}

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike each year than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined

Sunday, November 9, 2008

That didn't work.

you have been withholding your feelings, today may be a good day to start letting them out. You aren't being well-served by bottling up your emotions because they will continue to intensify as the pressure builds. It's surely better to act consciously now than to erupt with a tantrum later on. Find an honest way to express yourself without losing your temper.




I'm proud you are taking the proper steps to positive changes
I'm sad I can't be a part of them.
And Yes it is my fault.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I am

I'm someone filled with self-belief
And haunted by self-doubt
I've got all the answers
I've got nothing figured out
I like to be by myself
I hate to be alone
I'm up and I am down
But that's part of the thrill of who I am!

I hate this part

Horoscope

You may feel an underlying tension beginning to grow, yet it doesn't need to negatively affect your day. Suppressing your emotions, though, will surely increase your apprehension. The most intelligent strategy is to talk about your feelings without being attached to any specific outcome. This allows you to grow closer to a friend without placing him or her in an awkward position of having to react in a certain manner...

If only possible
I just can't do it anymore,
I can't sit here while you break me down.
While you put your blame on someone else,
While you make excuses because you think you can't.

You are strong, and amazing,
just believe and you shall see

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Horoscope

You can see relationship trouble brewing quite clearly now, yet you may not be able to say much about it. If there is a problem between you and your spouse or partner, it's not going to go away until you address it directly. Still, it may be better to wait for circumstances to improve. In the meantime, do what you can to stabilize things so there will be common ground to meet upon.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Horoscope

It's hard to stay positive when those close to you let you down. But keep in mind that you may be placing unrealistic expectations on others that, in turn, set you up for disappointment. Instead of just lowering your standards, try talking to those with whom you must work. Hashing out differences of perspective, even if it's uncomfortable, is better than losing money or friends.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Horoscope

You could make it all look easy today, but inside you are probably stressing more than usual. These are difficult times, for you are being pulled in opposite directions and neither option is perfect. Ultimately, you'll need to stop the analysis and just make a choice. Remember, it's usually best to choose love over fear.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Horoscope

There is a lot going on behind the scenes, yet you still could be a bit cavalier as you talk about your feelings. You may think that change will occur more easily now, yet nothing much will happen unless you can find the courage and take a risk. What you see is exactly what you get. There's no time like the present to ask for what you want.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Nobody has the ability to be exactly like me, even I have trouble doing it. I live, laugh, and love. I break the rules, stand apart, ignore my head, and follow my heart. You may call me weird, but I'm just original. There's nothing wrong with being lonely, but I wish I could fall in love. Your mouth would crack a smile if i were spoken of. If you tell me my dreams are unrealistic, I'll tell you yours aren't big enough. I want my face to be infallibly carved with laugh lines when I'm old and gray to reveal the happiness I've lived to know. I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions. The real trouble with my sarcasm is that half the time, when people think I'm being sarcastic, I'm actually being quite sincere. I believe if you get a chance, take it; if it changes your life, let it. I'm not afraid to fail; it's part of learning. Everything I'm not made me everything I am. Music reminds me of who I was, who I am, and who I have the strength to be. I believe, procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. I believe that optimism is the foundation of courage. Love never fails; people fail love.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Atmosphere

Cheers to the good times,
tonight is mighty special.

Whatcha gonna do?
Slam doors, break a glass?
Maybe pass out on the kitchen floor with your naked ass
he still makes time to hate me
But basically, I'm overbooked - no emotional vacancy
Complacency seems so simple
Like fuck it, let me be the one you fight and call Mrs. Right
It's an addiction, bound to stick around
'Cause a junkie won't bounce till he hits the ground

These drugs ain't as good as we wish they were
This buzz doesn't keep us from missing her
That love that built all of this emphasis
Built enough guilt to kill Electra and Oedipus
It's easier to leave it there
Each time I see your tears
Makes me need a beer to relieve the fear
I wanna keep a clear sky
And fly away like a meteor outta here
Maybe next year I'll reappear

Chorus:
I say hey there
We don't play fair
You can't stay here
I hope you take care

Sample:
Troubles all around me
Day by day


Slug:
Sometimes you make me feel like such a prick
That even I'm convinced that I'm the one that's sick

You can fuss and bitch, you can cut your wrists
Or you can choke on that blood from the tongue you bit
And when you acted up, you BESTA believe I blessed you back
I got a fuckin' fan base that can attest to that
I'm returning this bleeding hearts club membership card
'Cause I want no motherfucking part of it


We're just two dogs on all fours
It's a tug of war for who loves you more
Blame it on tours, or locked bathroom doors
Or maybe it's cause my voice was louder than yours
And I'll be damned if I do this for forever
Everybody looking at me like I don't know better

Instead I gotta run if I'm ever gonna forget him
Cause I've always been a go-getter

Chorus:
I say hey there
We don't play fair
You can't stay here
I hope you take care

Sample:
Troubles all around me
Day by day

And now I got a head full of better off dead
I followed down them steps and slept in the wrong bed
If I had a breath of self-respect left
I'd set fire to the box spring to help it catch
Let these ashes represent the mattress

Director left the set, but nobody told the actresses
So she's still acting as if we scheduled a practice
And my soundtrack is compromising her theatrics

Bridge:
(You) You remind me of me
It's not a compliment, get your song on
(You) Who you trying to be?
Got no tolerance left for drama
(You) You would like to go free
Jump off the fence, let your claws out
(You) You remind me of me
Rough up all of them till they gone

There, here we go ahead with my threats to leave
Like I've ever left cause it was he who wouldn't let me breathe
Instead I kept it deep enough to get you to believe it
That I'm incapable of escaping and setting you free
Well, I'ma open up that map and see the nation
Call it vocation, call it a vacation
You can find me at the airport, waitin'
Or maybe I'll be chain smoking down at the train station
With the pose of a mack and my clothes in a sack
Gotta go, and I don't know when I'll be back
Get my last pay check, smash and make steps
Gone on the road with cool-G rap in the tape deck

Sample:
Please have mercy on me
Please have a little mercy on me

Chorus:
I say hey there
We don't play fair
You can't stay here
I hope you take care

Sample:
Troubles all around me
Day by day
There is no connection between the things that you say, and the things that you do.

I never said I was perfect.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Bored got this from BJS FB

Would it hurt seeing someone kiss the last person you love?
Depends on my moodswings I guess

When was the last time you cried?
umm 7ish this evening

If you could go back in time would you change things with an ex?
no, everything happens for a reason, I may have changed myself a bit so I could be happier

Where were you at 5:00 AM this morning
laying on the floor in the living room

Who are you thinking of, what does their name start with?
M


Last person of the opposite sex to give you a hug?
Kai at the zombie shoot

Does sex mean love?
no but sex with someone you love means more

In the past week have you gotten kissed?
at least a dozen times from Mason <3

Ever kiss someone with a name starting with a S?
...odd yes

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forget

Do you get emotional easily?
yes

What month were you born in?
november

How old was the last person you kissed?
17 monthes

Would you kiss the last person you dated again?
that is a tough one

Are you taller than 5'5"?
no

Do you think what goes around always comes back around?
yes

What are your initials?
A.M.E

Do you like talking on the phone?
sometimes

What are you doing Friday?
packing

What are you doing Saturday?
hanging out with Mason anddd packing

What about Sunday?
sleep

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
yesterday by melody

What is bothering you right now?
where to start

Does anyone know your password besides you?
no

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?
never

Will you talk to the person your in love with tonight?
yes


What were you doing 30 minutes ago
creeping facebook

What's something that can always make you feel better?
may not always make me feel better but it can help me forget for a while and sleep
sweet mary jane

When was the last time you talked to your number 1?


Do you eat junk food everyday?
no

Is there one place you'd like to visit?
Italy

Have you held hands with anyone today?
no

You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get?
monroe

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
aids?

Are you afraid of falling in love?
yes

How many hours did you sleep last night ?
2 maybe

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
Yes

Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn't?
probably

Do you think you would make a good lawyer?
yes I am good at arguing I guess

Is there someone you can't stop thinking about?
a few

When someone walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
go after, then let go

Is there someone you want to be with right now?
yes

Do you like someone as more than a friend right now?
yes

If you're being extremely quiet, what’s it mean?
not happy

Do you think the legal drinking age should be changed?
should be raised

Something you really want right now?
to hold my baby while he sleeps

Do you think you're old?
ya

Who told you they loved you last?
Mason

Has a girl put their arm around you in the past 15 days?
yes

Will you be in a relationship in 4 months?
no

Is it hard leaving people behind?
yes

What is wrong with you right now?
hahah this is good, what isn't?

Do you fall for people easily?
no

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
no

How old do you look?
18-21

Can you handle the truth?
probably not

Anything you'd like to say to anyone?
I'm going to be happy

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
yes, but never a third.

Does anyone like you?
sometimes

Anything you're giving up on?
anyone?

Do you care what people think about you?
not really

Have you ever done something to start trouble?
probably

Do you call anybody by their last name?
no

Have you ever been called a bad influence?
yes

Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
yes

Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
Yes

Do you ever wish you were famous?
Yes

Would you take a bullet for the last person you were in love with?
my son needs me

Do you wish someone would just call you?
no

Horoscope

Today it feels like you can see forever. You look out toward the boundless horizon and you are certain that the distance has moved even further away. But this is just a trick of the light, for your mind is capable of managing your current wanderlust, even if it remains unrealized. Temporarily set aside the notion of being satisfied. Once you take the pressure off, you'll probably have an easier time of reaching your goals.

Dad's Advice

Don't stress over things you can't control.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I didn't sleep last night
I laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling for hours
I wanted to fall asleep but I couldn't even close my eyes
I didn't want to think about it
It's all over now, forced to make a decision
but I am sure it is my fault.
I always take the blame anyways,
I'm done being that girl,
the one who freaks out and begs you to stay
especially because I really didn't do anything wrong
it's my fault you misunderstood,
it's my fault you lost your temper,
threw a tantrum, and said hateful things
about me, and my life,
because "I am so busy trying to make things work at home"
obviously you can't understand the importance.
You are only thinking about how it is affecting you.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sometimes it isn't meant to be.
Sometimes you pack up your feelings, and you move.
You can only allow them to be bruised so many times before you give up trying.
Weather it's the tone of my voice,
the words I speak,
or the stares of emotion I give,
it's not right.

This is the last I'm sorry you will get from me.

May life bring you many pleasantries and love.

and...todays horoscope

You may be unsettled today as your passions are stirred, without necessarily revealing a path to expressing them. It's challenging for you to find the patience to sit with your feelings to see where they take you. But ignoring your emotions isn't a good idea, for they will gain strength and resurface in a form that's even harder to handle than the current situation

Next Chapter

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

{RandomFact}

There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long (eye hip arm leg ear toe jaw rib lip gum).

Friday, October 10, 2008

***

and there is a million things that should have never happend
there is a million words that should have never been spoken.
life is traumatic enough and so what if you made the biggest mistake of your "life"
it goes on, and you will make even bigger, more traumatizing, absolutly regretful mistakes then the first one...
so it is time to learn to just get over it, move on, and be happy.
if one person loved you another one can.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

you can take me, want me, break me,
love me, hug me, push me off,
hold me down
as long as it is you

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

and it was incredible...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

{RandomFact}

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
I've learned that nothing that you think matters, actually does,
and no matter how much it hurts, it always feels better, someday.

I've learned that you have to practice what you preach,
no one likes a hypocrit.

I've learned that vanilla ice-cream can be rather tasty if it isn't cheap.

I've learned that books are my favorite escape.

I've learned that tears are just a bodily function,
like passing gas, it's good to get it out.

I've learned that flaws lie within every millimetre of my body and I should probably learn to accept them, or other people will hate me because I can't.

Most importantly, I have learned, that life is always worth living, because nothing, no matter how hard it is to deal with, no matter how bad a person hurt you, no matter what disease or sickness you may get NOTHING is worth dieing over.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

{RandomFact}

He's her drug and she's addicted.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

{RandomFact}

No one's life is absolutly perfect.
No matter how much they talk shit that it is.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

and let there be love for the daughters without fathers,
a love so great and so big that our hearts feel complete.
and all though those daughters with fathers
may not know how truly lucky they are,
or in some cases unlucky,
everything becomes easy to accept,
one day.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Thursday, September 4, 2008

{RandomFact}



Almonds are members of the peach family.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

That's love.

One can list a hundred reasons why our relationship could work, and a thousand more why it shouldn't, but what remains is that it does work. We're both always ready to charge at the world, yet we've managed to hollow out a restful pocket to retreat to together. This is the real deal, even if to the rest of the world, we just look like two souls joined at the attitude problem.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Melody Bang


Melody
curly
hot
hilarious
my BFFF
my tiny dancer
my sister
one of my best soul mates
black
neon
hardcore
best laugh ever
always makes me smile
spoiled
stubborn
cool
green sweaters
bang
random
big heart
rocker
my bfff

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Nothing lasts forever
I wish more people (including myself)
could learn to accept that.

Everything has an expiry date, and there is always a time to let go.
Even when you don't want to,
when you aren't ready to do so.
Before you know it the wind is blowing and you are on to your next chapter in the book of life.

Everything happens for a reason.
Death happens for a reason,
maybe it isn't all negative.
Maybe when people pass away, its partly to do with the people that get to remember them. And appreciate their presence during their time with us, and appreciate it more when they no longer are.
People you never forget, always the 'best' have to leave us, but they are still watching.

Sorry for this window of randomness, it's just one of those days.
I want a jager manhatten martini now please

Thursday, August 21, 2008

{RandomFact}

Cranberry is the only type of jell-o with real fruit in it.
Confidence is sexy.
The ability to have confidence is impacted by a few things.
Such as other people encouraging you, that gives confidence.
Believing in yourself, that builds confidence.
And succeeding, that is confidence, that forever makes you feel
confident when you put your mind to something, achieve that goal and cross that line.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

{RandomFact}

2% of women can orgasm just by thinking about sex

Now thats talent!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Say what you want.
Think what you want.
Act how you want.
Talk how you want.
Eat what you want.
Be who you want.
Live like you want.
Listen to what you want.
Appreciate what you want.

Love who you are.

Monday, August 18, 2008

I<3 post secrets





Check it out, You'll love it too

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2008/08/sunday-secrets_17.html

everytime I read sunday secrets, I cry to more then one of those secrets, because it reminds me of a secret I have (no I don't have herpes lol)

Friday, August 15, 2008

I've awoken to many things
seen what love can bring
cried so many tears
over all these years
dealt with all this crap
learned to smile back
gave up on you
the right thing to do

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's like getting your hand slammed in the car door,
theres nothing you can do about the pain, except bounce around and curse.
Wait for it to go away.
Oh how I wish you'd go away.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Sunday, August 10, 2008

{RandomFact}

I'm proof that you don't have to look like a model to have a super hot boyfriend
She told me I changed.
Well that I am aware of.
Sorry that I have discovered more of myself over this past year.
Sorry that I am not the same person I was when you met me...
all though I never thought that was a bad thing.
I never put thought that I changed for the worst...
and I still don't believe that I have.
I may have changed the way my hair looks,
maybe even the way I dress,
I may have added a new piercing,
a new boyfriend, a new job,
but all of this makes me happy, and isn't that what counts?
Plus I still have the same morals, and values (if not better ones)
and I still have the same heart (which has grown to accept more pain,love, and hate then you could even dream)

I only say that because you are stuck in this bubble,
nothing bad can happen to you, nothing is ever your fault.
apparently, because I changed I left some good friends behind,
hey I never left anyone behind,
y'all left me. Just to make that clear.


Everyone thinks you are just so perfect, and that you could do no wrong,
you always help out, do what your told, blah blah blah
but really, you have no back bone, won't defend yourself,
let your ex walk all over you, and tell you complete bull shit that,
i myself have a hard time believe YOU believe.

But you do, and you make it more dramatic then it already is, and somehow
I am in the middle, somehow it is someone elses fault,
somehow you are not to blame, nor could you have possibly done anything to deserve it. You're just to perfect, you have it all going for you,
the looks, the body, the brains (book brains), the laugh, and oh jesus christ
you're just so damn awesome you probably piss glitter.

Until you have something to say, that's worth me listening to, just
FuCk OFF

Saturday, August 9, 2008

fucking damn it all to hell

I love you even if you forget

Friday, August 8, 2008

Get Over It







Shut up and let me go
This hurts, I tell you so
For the last time you will kiss my lips
Now Shut up and let me go
Your jeans were once so clean
I bet you changed your wardrobe since we met

Now oh so easily your over me
Gone is love
It's you that ought to be holding me
I'm not containable
This turns up
it's not sustainable

I ain't freakin'
I ain't Fakin' this
I ain't freakin̢۪
I ain't Fakin' this
I ain't freakin'
I ain't Fakin' this
Shut up and let me go
Hey!

Shut up and let me go
This hurts, but I can't show
for the last time you had me in bits
Now Shut up and let me go!
For fear of leaving in regret
I changed this one when we first met

Now oh so easily your over me
Gone is love
It's me that ought to be moving on
You're not adorable
I was something unignorable.

I ain't freakin'
I ain't Fakin' this
I ain't freakin
I ain't Fakin' this
I ain't freakin'
I ain't Fakin' this
Shut up and let me go
Hey!

Oh love, hold this.
hey

Shut up and let me go
This hurts, I told you so
For the last time you will kiss my lips
Now Shut up and let me go
Hey!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Dear Great Grandma

I'm sorry for all I never said,
I'm sorry for all the visits I never made,
I'm sorry that our family is so fucked up, and you had no idea,
actually I'm not sorry for that, I wanted you to believe we were all happy.
I'm sorry that I will never recieve a $15.00 Sears gift certificate at birthdays and holidays anymore, all though you would be happy to know I have every one you have given me since I was 12, and they are all expired,
I wanted to keep them to remember you.
I'm sorry that I didn't make you laugh as often as you deserved,
I'm sorry that the phone calls weren't routine at all.
I'm sorry if you were ever disappointed by anything I did,
I'm greatful that you have gotten to live a long fulfilling life.
You have seen so many amazing things through the times,
and you have survived through so much.
You are a beautiful and strong woman,
and I will always look up to you, and only hope
to be as wonderful and as strong as you are.
I love you Great Grandma,
I know the best angels will guide you in.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I hate this feeling

The feeling you get when you think you are being manipulated.
The worst part about being manipulated is at first, you can never be sure.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

68.9 % random

the fireworks
many different colours aray
always a disappointment
they always end
and nothing really lasts forever...figurativley speaking

and she has never given herself so much to a person
without them knowing
she would marry him, but he doesn't know
and he proposed to her,
not for her hand in marriage
but for her heart to be forever his

she accepted

and life was sugar plums and mountains of trees with a roaring water fall and a small daisy growing in a dry patch of grass

{RandomFact}

Nearly three percent of the ice in Antarctic glaciers is penguin urine

Stars are hot and yes I mean the space kind

Friday, August 1, 2008

This is why I love my friends



Melody my BFF on the lefther bf pauly in the middle and ryan on the end i believe

Thursday, July 31, 2008

{RandomFact}

Ancient Egyptians used molted cobra skins as condoms

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

addicted



I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
All the sounds you make
With every breath you take
Itss unlike anything
when you're loving me

oh girl lets take it slow
so as for you well you know where to go
i want to take my love and hate you till the end

its not like you to turn away
from all the bullshit i cant take
it's not like me to walk away

i'm so addicted to all the things
you do when you're going down on me
in between the sheets
all the sounds you make with every breathe you take
its unlike anything
when you're loving me
i'm so addicted to all the things
you do when you're going down on me
in between the sheets
all the sounds you make
with every breathe you take
its unlike anything

i'm so addicted to the things you do
when you're going down on me
all the sounds you make with every breath you take
its unlike anything when you're loving me
when you're loving me


all the things you do
theres just got to be more to you and me


addicted to you

I tried

{RandomFact}

Two-thirds of all the world's coriander comes from a single valley in Italy




I don't know but I am addicted to this song...

2 more days

The minutes drag - the seconds tick,
I wish for days - to pass by quick.
To feel your hands - touch my skin,
To feel your lips - softly kiss my chin.

Your warm breath - heating my heart,
As passion entangles - to never part.
I miss you so much - while, distance - I'm hating
As the clock~hands turn - for you... I'm waiting.

The time is so near - but still - too long.
Temporary separation - it feels so wrong!
Soon, I know - it'll be alright...
With you by my side - in bed, at night.

I need to be loved - I need to feel...
I yearn for the knowledge - of knowing it's REAL.
I wait impatiently - with time degrading,
With sleepless nights - for Love... I'm waiting.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

{RandomFact}

Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained minute particles of real camels

77% Random

it's that one second before you leave
it's the door that never seems to close all the way
it's the window I wish you'd climb through
it's the shower curtain I leave half open
it's the way you mesh with me
it's the lemon before it is squeezed
it's this feeling that
my hands were perfectly made to fit your fingers,
my eyes were perfectly designed to see all the beauty in you
my mouth is perfectly made to recieve kisses from you
and my heart...is beating a million ants to a tree

Monday, July 28, 2008

{RandomFact}

The word "nerd" was first coined by Dr. Seuss in "If I Ran the Zoo."

I always wanted....

to be kissed in the rain <3

Sunday, July 27, 2008

{Random Fact}

Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain, staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the intensity of orgasms
It's just the sun coming up he says
as she buries her head in his chest,
awoken by the absurdly bright light
shining directly in her eyes,
at this ungodly hour she asks?
it is 6 a.m he replies,
at least it's a new day.

Actually she says, it's another day.
And I love you

Saturday, July 26, 2008

{RandomFact}

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

{RandomFact}

The first known contraceptive was crocodile poo, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C

Crocodiles are Pro Poopers

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

{RandomFact}

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Monday, July 21, 2008

{RandomFact}

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you




I like this video

Sunday, July 20, 2008

{RandomFact}

It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.

<3

She likes it in the morning
when I run my fingers through her hair she smiles when I call her darlin
she looks like an angel layin there
she wants me in the evening
to listen close to how she feels
she needs to know i need her
and heaven knows i always will

cuz she loves me

every single day and night
and she says we are everything
thats good in her life
she says she loves me more than anything on earth and thats almost
as much as i love her

she likes to lay down on me
and rest her head on my chest
and softly whisper to me what she won't share with anyone else
and theres a sweetness in her laughter
when it's just the two of us
and i try so hard to capture
every little thing she does

cuz she loves me
every single day and night
and she says we are everything
thats good in her life
she says she loves me
more than anything on earth
and thats almost as much as i love her

and she says she loves me
more than anything on earth
and thast almost almost as much
as i love her

and she likes it in the morning



Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Horny Toad

Ahh yes another ladies night for the girls and I.
The Horny Toad was the chosen watering hole for us last night.
And Oh what a NIGHT.
The atmosphere is mature, mixed age but mostly older, its a nice outdoor patio, with a tiny dancefloor inside, big enough for a game of twister and a stripper pole...
You could tell the younger ones since they were dancing on the 'stripper pole'
with mini skirts and thongs on, showing the entire patio their 'c u next tuesday'
I bet they woke up this morning and were embaressed because they realized...that or they woke up with a new found career opportunity, don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with strippers BUT please keep it to a strip club and have some class not at a patio bar where everyone is just trying to have some beers and a good conversation, it isn't exactly the kind of bar you 'pick up' at, with that being said, these girls probably didn't know really because they were underage (the doorman wasn't exactly doing his job) I didn't even get ID'D and I get ID'd to buy scratch tickets lol!!

It confuses me how 1. Girls can be so .... I don't even know a word to describe THAT and not be ashamed or surprised that 50 year old men are trying to take them home
2. How do men find that attractive... I mean yes I understand shes showing her goods and all but do you really want to go home with that...
If she is comfortable enough to show it to you before you get her somewhere that has a door...not to mention the fact all your friends and the entire bar have seen whats between her legs and more, god only knows what else has been in her...

Gross..

Let's keep it classy not trashy!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Gas Prices=Annoying Stupidity

Ok so here is my rant today....

Aren't gas prices outrageous? We all know that it is out of control...
Anywho, I drop my mom off at work and go to grab a coffee from famous tim hortons and the drive through is lined right up to the street...

And I am thinking to myself..I bet all these people bitch and complain about the price of gas and yet they are idling in a fucking drive through for 20 minutes waiting for 1 coffee, not to mention the other factors of this wrong, like
harming the environment....

I parked and was in and out of timmys with my coffee in 1 minute and 26 seconds (yes I timed it) So the pros to parking and getting your coffee/newspaper/bagel/what the fuck ever else you drive through/idle for are

1. You will get some fucking exercise
2. You won't waste gas
3. You won't be harming the environment AS MUCH
4. You will be in and out faster then if you were to go through the drive through
which is the main priority of most people no?

Have some fucking respect for the place we live in, we only have one earth oh and if you are going to idle in your car for 15 minutes while waiting for your stupid coffee and sausage muffin, you don't have the right to bitch about gas prices because you obviously don't care that much about it...lazy bastards


One of my favorite songs

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Nuts to YOU


I'm sorry if this offends any parents out there...but some of you are so naieve.
A little boy grows up and from the age of 2 has peanut butter and toast pretty much every day, likes nuts, eats all sorts of nut products, and has no reaction, nothing is wrong, his throat doesn't close up, he doesnt get a rash, the nuts aren't attacking him...then all of a sudden he goes for allergy tests (for absolutly no reason at all) AND OHHH LOOK he is severely allergic to peanuts, you must have an epipen around him at all times or he might die.... THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. And the parents instead of saying he eats nuts all the time and is fine goes oh ok heres 600$ I need epipens and totally nutproofs the house, sends an email to all their friends and family, if you have nut products in your house or have recently eaten nut products, I am sorry but our son is severely allergic so we will not be able to associate with you any longer.... this to me is a load of bull..
My take on the situation is

A. You are really really fucking stupid, now I know we are all concerned about the health of our children and everything but if the kid has never had a reaction and eats nuts every fucking day how is all of a sudden deathly allergic, you are an idiot for not getting a 2nd opinion

OR

B. You completely fabricated the whole thing just to get attention and/or get rid of some friends that you no longer want to remain friends with.

Idiots
Can I sit in the palm of your hand so you can love me like thumbalina

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

To Anyone Who Has Blown Me OFF

I have come to the conclusion, I kind of let people walk on me these days
I am so concerned about a friend being offended that I am upset because they did something jerkish, that I just end up letting it go.
Then time and time again the jerkish thing happens, and I get upset, upset with myself, why do I let people treat me like that. Why do I just let things go, as much as it hurts me and annoys the piss out of me, I just act like it doesn't bother me, it builds and builds, time and time again being let down and I hang up the phone and I am almost in tears because of how hurtful this is, and how you don't even realize, because I was looking forward to that phone call, that email, that visit, that beach day, that lunch, that day at the park. I'm not a whiney brat, I don't complain often, and I would never let my friends down.
I am so hell bent on making sure other people are happy that I tend to let things ride. How would you feel if I built you up and then knocked you down all in the same day. Bottom line, if you say you are going to do something do it, a million excuses as to why you couldn't do it, or act like something more important came up so you had to bail, something more important being someone else that you would rather hang out with, or somewhere else you'd rather be.

Time to put on my green sweater, Thank god the day is over

Monopoly



****************************************************************************
My Hero Worship
My BFF






The English language isn't quite as innovative as the Eskimos who have a hundred different words for snow, though it has vast opportunities to differentiate meaning. Certainly, Love is one of those opportunities. And so, too, is Friendship.

Instead of different words, however, we're stuck with simple adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word.

Friends are special people. We can't pick our family, and we're sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Chocolate



<3 Elvis

*Star Star*

Today is a good day for an ice cream and some hot sauce on (anything) sushi..mm hot sauce on sushi would be fantastical.

My heart is open,
My eyes are closed, even with a blindfold on,
My heart is racing,
I feel warm,
My hands are folded on my lap,
I am unsure of what to expect,

Will you pull me out of this chair,
and press me up against a wall,
will my arms be raised above my head and pinned by your hands
will you push into me,
whispering,
using your other hand to wander up and down every curve of me,

until it is unbearable and we fall into a sea of passion
an unopened envelope of lust and love.
Hold me close, kiss me forever, and don't forget me.

This Song is amazing with a capital A[mazing]
Thanks

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I don't want him to be perfect,
I want him to laugh at me,
trip me and then help me back up,
chase me in an empty parking lot
hold me close at the perfect moments
make me watch football for hours
wants me around his friends
appreciates even the little things
take me to his house to watch movies
makes me grilled cheeses
and love me for who I am

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


I'm not sure how to react to you
I hate you
I wish I never met you
My life would be bettwe without you in it
but you are
every day
the blood in my child
the dirt on my floor
the idiot of my village

My last straw.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Monday, June 23, 2008

Up and down and all around
a roller coaster of emotions,
a wet splash of tears
a short cry..of laughter?
a smile forced by pain
pretend it's all okay
pretend it's all okay
pretend it's all okay
and maybe someday it will be
until then
just pretend it's all okay
maybe someday he'll see
that it's not

Friday, June 20, 2008

It's kind of funny, to me at least,
when people do things completely out of spite,
for no logical reason, but they THINK they are making a point.

Is your point "If he can't be happy with me, he can't be happy with anyone"

Think again, at least he has the maturity to move on and not be bitter, until you make him feel bitter towards you, that is your own fault btw,
and to not criticize every little thing you do,
and make you feel like a horrible person for the stupidest little things,
that don't even matter.

Get over yourself little girl,
just think about KARMA
cuz what goes around comes around


Pull your head out of your ass and grow the fuck up,
You have responsabilities, take action for that.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I have knots in my stomache,
I'm panicing,
have I let myself get in to deep,
have I made the right choices,
do I have faith in myself,
enough faith to let go of something or someone
that I know is doing me no good.
Can I allow myself that heart ache without going absolutly insane?
I hope that you wouldn't hurt me,
in my heart I believe,
but all these stupid people,
have just one thing to tell me,
I don't want to listen,
I try to tune them out,
but a tiny little part of me,
knows I should look out.
I don't know if I can do this,
I need a hand to hold
I just want whats best for me,
and for all truth to be told
There is always that one person that can get under your skin,
well there is usually a few.

There is unfortunatly no way to avoid it, just hearing that person's name irritates the crap out of you. You cringe at the sound of their name, and almost wish they never existed.

Then you realize that as much as you don't like their existance, other people appreciated it and needed it, and wouldn't quite be the person they are if they didn't exist. And that as much as you don't want to, is something you should appreciate.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I'll be your girl <3













In the kitchen

Whenever you are entering a relationship with a person,
the biggest fear is that their family or friends, or both, won't like you.

I think I have conquered both now....for the time being!

Friday, June 13, 2008

I'd rather you disappear
I hope I make this clear
You're not welcome here

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

85% Random




This guy cracks me up!

Monday, June 9, 2008

 Somewhere inside the icy depths of a chest
that has long been stabbed,
faintly quivers a heart with no purpose left
to give.
Struggling to go beyond the pain, in search
for love again.
Fighting for the breath it so desperately
needs to live.
Love brought the murder of my peaceful heart
before it ever had the chance to truly beat.
Now silence overthrows my being
and a blindly cherished victory is seen more
clearly as defeat.
Beaten to mysery but not completely broken
is this organ that cries out for peace in the night.
Now that my heart has been stolen
this pen that I hold yields no might

because of you

What do you do when the person you have become,
is due to the horrible things someone did to you and put you through,

He was supposed to be the one to guide me,
to dry my tears when my heart was broken,
to tell me the good boys from the bad,
to tell me I am beautiful and smart when I need to hear it most,
daddy's little girl,
that's what I was supposed to be,
but not to you not to anyone.

I thank you though,
You taught me the type of person to not become,
the art of letting the little things go,
because the big things are much harder to forgive

you are the bigger thing, how do i forgive you
how do i put all the hurt and memories away
to start a new chapter with you
to let you be the father you wanted
its a little late, I am not a teenager anymore, I am not a child
I am a woman, I am my own person,
you can't give me a time to be home,
make sure I do my homework,
ground me,
but that is what you should have been doing
instead of being the loser dead beat that you were

Yes I said that and yes I am pretty sure I mean it
The saying goes the good outweighs the bad,
in this case that is completely untrue

the bad far outweighs the good
and I am not sure I can let you in

because of you I feel I have tragic flaws that I can never make up for
and to others they probably aren't even that tragic,
but my mindset is different.

When I look in the mirror, I see a girl that did without
not the material things (all though I did that to)
but with out the emotional love that a girl should have for family and friends.

I did without what is supposed to be the greastest most fondest memories of a girl,
and her father.

I have had the hardest time deciding who's best for me,
part of that I thank you for and part of me despises you for it

My heart has a hard time telling whats real and whats not.
I am afraid to put my all in to anything, because I did that with you
and you let me down, let me down hard.

I crashed and burned, just like you did.
No song can tell it like this one

Sunday, June 8, 2008

you touched me last night

and i felt it deep within,

as my heart skipped a beat,

my thoughts wandered thin.

till there was only you

as far as i could see,

your brown eyes looking into mine,

it's where i wanted to be.

you touched me last night

not with your hand or your soft lips,

you touched me with your heart,

far better than any kiss.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Cheesey oldies? <3

It's the stars
It's the cars
It's the birds
It's the kids in the park
It's the sunglasses
the smiles
It's the feelings,
the dreams,
the wanna be thoughts
she wanted it to be real for so long
it is almost hard to grasp that it is.
Almost..
She's amazed at how the smallest gesture makes her fall even more
who thought it was possible, not I



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A world of dreams,
a soft pillow,
a sweet thought 
a thought that  makes you smile
a thought that makes your heart beat faster
and it's always a thought of you

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~






Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dear Clyde,

I like you
I like everything you do to me
I like the way you look at me, and LOVE the way you think
I like the way you act
I like the way that you are more often then not very reliable
I like knowing that you will grow up (more then you have) (when you are ready)
I like watching you get older, cuz let's face it you are going to be one sexy old man (your dad heh)
I think you have so much potential and in due time you'll max it out
I like that 'you really DO care'
Everyone could have it 'so much better'
Everyone lies to themselves
And everyone sometimes believes their own lies, and others too
Everyone makes stupid choices, me, you, ozzie, the guy that lives on the corner
You deserve the best
I think you are amazing
and have nothing but the utmost faith in you.
I like that you aren't like everybody else,
I like that you are incredibly smart even on the stupidest topics,
You always have a valid point, and you always make it.
You always have a smile to light up my day,
or a sweet little comment, that randomly is thrown my way.
You have goals and dreams as we all do,
I believe you will reach them, BUT YOU HAVE TO TOO
I hope you will let me, be there to encourage you
cheer you on, and make things happen.

Yours Truly,
Bonnie



Wednesday, May 28, 2008

If her hearts not in it,
then she knows she did the right thing,
but if her mind would stop torturing her,
telling her she's a fool 
she would feel much better then she does now.
Her heart knows...




Sunday, May 25, 2008

It's really over

He's let her go,
Told her it's okay,  I know we won't work

It feels like relief, but I won't lie
It hurts like a bitch.

Part of me wanted to hear it,
Part of me wanted him to not be over it,
But he is and I am happy,

Now I don't have to feel like I am letting him down,
Or for that matter, giving him hope.

I do love him and he loves me, but it is definitely not the lasting romantic love
I always dreamed I would have, sadly, truly....

So now that I am feeling safe about the new life I am going to have (and soon)
I have a list of things to do

1. Get my own place! Looking at three places tomorrow and they all look very promising and affordable yay!

2. Get used to the 1 income lifestyle and not 2 all though life is so much easier with two, definitely need a budget planner!

3. Find a roommate or something of the sorts

4. Get myself a new bed

5. Get some old 'friends' out of my life

6. Let the good friends be more a part of my life

7. Try new things at every given chance at least once probably twice 


I feel good. Really fucking good.






Saturday, May 24, 2008

Friday, May 23, 2008

And the stress leaves her with an upset stomache
and a bad taste in her mouth,
the sour taste of resentment,
wishing she could go back and change things not for herself but for him,
things could have been different,
just when she thought things were better,
she thought was happy,
and that like a slap in the face,
shes hit with a whirl wind of troubles and sorrow,
and doesn't want to turn to anyone,
only to the inside of her heart,
she knows her heart won't tell,
her heart won't judge
and she feels stupid for letting the tears fall
but at least she is alone and no one can see
no one but her

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Making Up For It

Time rehearses the past and then,
Wakes up in the future,
A horizon of hope,
A landscape of a dream,
A pathway of discovery,
Weaving a pattern of desire,
Time understands itself,
by going in the right direction,
No matter how we turn,
The Earth only spins one way.
Making up for lost time,
and life reinvents itself.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Sunny Muffins!

And I would love to Bonnie and Clyde a Pizza Pizza with you any day of the week

Lets update 'The List'

1. Make Amber better at hack
2. Go camping
3. Go on a hike
4. Go on a picnic
5. Fishing :) you said
6.Go to a winery

Sunday, May 18, 2008

hooked on this feeling

You've got me hooked on a feeling,
A feeling so pure and natural, it almost feels fake
Like a dream
A dream I hope never to be woken from,
For the first time ever it's as if it's right
As if after all the hell I've been handed over the years
Finally I am getting a break
Oh what a break it is
So calm,
So easy,
So refreshing,
You've gone and put meaning back in into my life,
Just the thought of you and the light in my heart turns on,
So bright you can almost see it casting from my chest,
You're the reason I see sun on a cloudy day,
If I was asked to trace out a memory to forever hold,
I would trace out your lips with my finger tips
The one that that can always keep me captive
time and time again

Long Weekend

Ahhhh
How I love the long weekends,
Good time, and even better good friends!

This is the first 'May 24' that I have celebrated, and so far so good,
minus the drunk girls stepping on me and spilling their drinks everywhere,
what a waste, and minus the guys, that followed me around at some bar in the falls,
creeepppyyyy. SaturDAY was great, beer, smokeage, my bff melody ha, and some good hack
to bad I suck at it lol I WILL GET BETTER.

Let's put that on the list


1. Make Amber better at hack
2. Go camping
3. Go on a hike
4. Go on a picnic
5. Fishing :) you said 

there is more but i can't remember right now as I have had close to no sleep, and thoughts of you have kept me up all night

Love long weekends <3

Monday, May 12, 2008

Better Than I am

You make me better than I am,
You make me want to try,
Your eyes so full of wonder,
Make me wonder why.

I can hold you in my arms, 
and try to make you smile,
I know this time is short,
I'm enjoying this a while.

You make me better then I am,
You make me want to care,
About how the world will  be later,
About what we have to share.

You've made me realize,
How precious it all is,
How fragile life can be,
How much I've got to give.

You make me better than I am,
Like every thing is brand new,
With all the hopes and dreams,
With all there is to do.

You're my inspiration,
You make me say "I can"
You make me want to try,
You make me better than I am  

Ok, I can understand wanting to be someone else,
or wanting to live like someone else,
but to actually dress up and impersonate someone else because you are that obsessed with them
is just creepy.

That is all

Monday, May 5, 2008

April was good
Will May be better?

I have a feeling it . . .

Sunday, May 4, 2008

We all die, the goal isn't to live forever. The goal is to create something that will.

"dreams are always crushing when they don't come truebut it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. you're always close enough to touch but never quite close enough to hold and it's enough to break your heart."
-Eddie Vassar

What we provide is an atmosphere of orchestrated pulse which works on people in a subliminal way. Under its influence i've seen shy debs and severe dowagers kick off their shoes and raise some wholesome hell.

The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more destructive, a lot madder and a lot saner, than the average person.

Over It

It can be a nice thing when your friends want to advise you of how you should be living your life...or more specifically who you should be living your life with...

Aren't friends supposed to listen and give an opinion maybe, but not sit there and tell you why you shouldn't feel that way and what you really need to be feeling.

Unfortunatly I am human, I can not make feelings that are not there....be there...
As much as I care for the person and love him, I just don't feel he is the one I should be with for years to come.

I have learned to accept it now if everyone else could that would be great