Tuesday, July 29, 2008

77% Random

it's that one second before you leave
it's the door that never seems to close all the way
it's the window I wish you'd climb through
it's the shower curtain I leave half open
it's the way you mesh with me
it's the lemon before it is squeezed
it's this feeling that
my hands were perfectly made to fit your fingers,
my eyes were perfectly designed to see all the beauty in you
my mouth is perfectly made to recieve kisses from you
and my heart...is beating a million ants to a tree

5 comments:

Jon said...

this is excellent Zoo... that last line is a killer... gives the reader pause and makes them re-read... and having re-read we see that it's a nonsense line... but carries such weight and a question to get your mind around the implications of "a million ants to a tree"... and what this says to me...

swarming
covering
enveloping
consuming

and a beautiful way to express that pang of love... you tell it so well...

You've done a great job with this form... made something all your own... and for me that's what poetry is... to find a way to say something so that the lines and breaks and wording adds meaning and depth...

The other line I really like here is "the lemon before it is squeezed"... lots of connotations in this too...

It's been so good to watch how much you've developed in so very short a time... I'm going to send a friend of mine by your site to have a look... think you'd like the Crow...

Talk to you again soon Zoo...

JON

Jon said...

Oh yeah... and that random fact about the Camels... whenever I smoke one of those terrible cigarettes I'm sure that they still put camels into them!!!

zoinkyzooz said...

Thank you Jon, that is really flattering. As for those cigarettes... they are terribly terrible! lol Camel smoker

human being said...

hmmm...
very sensual... and beautiful...
agree with Jon regarding that powerful last line....
fabulous...

when we don't show or don't say directly, we can affect more... because the audience themselves participate and complete the scene:
the door that is not closed... the half-open shower curtain... the window... and that lemon....
the reader's sensations just soar through the first 7 lines....
then they descend a bit... land on the straightforward imagery of hands and eyes and mouth....
just to recieve that surpise blow of the last line... that encompassing sensation of love...

when everything seems ordinary, surprises can influence deeply...

through the poem... the imagery shifts from visual to tactile.... getting us closer and more involved...

this poem is all about structure...
you may say you didn't know about it... this is true... it is done intuitively most of the time...

really enjoyed it...

human being said...

forgot to say the title is another killer!
:)