{Realized}

Wondering how I got here. Not like I regret it. I don't regret anything I've done. I am where I want to be. I am with, who I want to be with. I am happy. I am actually, finally, happy.

{Journey}

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

{Hypocrisy}

I guess I am only the biggest hypocrit when it comes to love.

Often heard are the words,
"once a cheater, always a cheater"
"if he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you"

Funny how I have said those very things to my friends that have put their heart's in a compromising position.

However, when it has come to my own heart, and relationships... I have not.

I would like to believe that yes, he may have cheated with me, but he never cheated on me. All though it took place many moons ago, and I chalk it up to fatal attraction. Unstoppable love, unpreventable lust. I don't think he cheated on me.

Once a cheater always a cheater.... this I have yet to learn.
I'm taking notes. All though, he never in the true tense CHEATED on me.
He more or less cheated between me. Which to some isn't really cheating at all.
I believe he was cheating his heart. I believe people can change.

I think I believe people can change.
I think I believe he won't hurt me.
I think I believe I can believe in him.

Time will tell.

{DoubleTrouble}

Well officially 15 weeks into the safe zone.
That's right, 15 weeks out of 40.. well what is normally 40 weeks.
But this is no normal pregnancy... no no..
This is 2x the pregnancy. That's right, I've been blessed with twins.
<3

{blacksickness}

Somewhere inside the icy depths of a chest
that has long been stabbed,
faintly quivers
a heart with no purpose left to give.
Struggling to go beyond the pain,
in search for love again.
Fighting for the breath
it so desperately needs to live.
Love brought the murder of my peaceful heart
before it ever had the chance
to truly beat.
Now silence
overthrows my being
and a blindly
cherished
victory
is seen
more clearly
as defeat.
Beaten to misery
but not completely broken
is this organ that cries out for peace in the night.
Now that my heart has been stolen
this pen that I hold
yields no might.

{LastNight}

I tossed and turned and cried all night.
I couldn't breathe and I couldn't fight,
the tears kept falling, no matter how hard I tried.
I can't wrap my head around this misery,
and I can't control my sadness.
I can't let go of memories,
and I can't stop the madness.
All I've ever really really wanted,
is to feel wanted.

{X2}

I have loved you for a long time, never will i forget you.

{TimeIsTicking}

The hours turn to minutes
turn to seconds
turn to now
The feeling in the room is suffocating

{NoGames}

What childish behavior of a man

This is real, this is life

This isn't your xbox live

My emotion is real

My pain is real

I am not a just a part of your world, I am a part of the world.

Care More

Blame Less

{DayInDayOut}

The only thing I really really want; is to be wanted.

I don't care about....,
the colour of my living room, or
that my sheets don't match my pillow cases.

{OpenWiDe}

I refuse to cower to your walk.
I no longer care if you choose to keep your back to me.
With "friends" like that who needs enemies..
Let me push that knife a little deeper,
only hoping you choke harder.

{JackOfAllBullShit}

Please don't knock on my door.
Please don't call my phone.
Please feel free to forget as I am.
I no longer wish to carry a heavy heart.
I no longer wish to carry you.

Respect is earned and trust is gained.

You have failed to overcome the barriers of my heart.

{LosingYou}

It's about that time
I now see
The stars have alligned
and you're not for me.

My head, my heart, my body.

It will be hard to walk away.
I must think about about how many times you've walked away from me.
How many times you've lied to me.
How many times you've let me cry.
How many times you've let me down.
How many times I begged for you.
How many times you begged for me.
How many changes you promised.
How many promises you broke.
How many pieces you've broken me into.
How many times I've let you in.

But this will be the only time I let you go.

Forever Not Yours
xo

{RecipeForDisaster}

1 Table
1 Pad of paper
3 Pens
1 Torn Heart
1 Confused Head

Generously sprinkle selfish thoughts after baking for 6 monthes.

There comes a point where you have to sit down and weigh the pros and cons of what you have and what you want.

Once completed you must decide if you will give up everything you have, don't want, and do want. Your sanity, your home, your life.

Will you forever be chained by the actions of another person.

Will you forever wonder what if.

If yes then it means a new chapter should start.

A chapter where you start to live, you let go, you leave.

A chapter that allows you to love, be loved, and your concience doesn't scream at you with every fibre of your being that you're not doing the right thing... wait wait... not that you aren't doing the right thing, but you aren't doing the right thing for yourself.

How long until the egg cracks and the walls of this glass house, quiver and shatter with disbelief of the waste of life you allowed to take place in your own heart.

This isn't supposed to make sense.

Everytime I look at your face
I think only of the hurt you cause
Even when I'm laughing at what you said
The joy lasts for a moment
I then remember what you did to me.

I continue to come back for more,
the bitter taste of untrue love.
Far more addicting than you could
know.

{PayAttention}

If you took the moment to check the time,
You would realize how precious it is.

{TragicallyYou}

Sometimes skulls are
thick.
Sometimes hearts are
vacant.
Sometimes words
don't work.

{Accuracy}

Today's Full Moon in your 4th House of Domestic Conditions suggests that you don't know as much as you think about what's happening on the home front. You may be fooling yourself by believing that everyone is happy when, in fact, someone close to you is working hard to cover up his or her insecurities. Although you think it's best to pretend that you don't notice, you won't get away with ignoring the truth for long.

Another lie unfolds,
another doubted gut instinct.
It's not love if you make me second guess myself...
Especially when I was right all along,
and you've convinced me I'm wrong.
I'm broken. You broke me.
Blinded and empty.

{At Some Point}

We all have had an epic heart break,
an unforgetable heart ache,
You know the one that you think will never go away,
convinced yourself it would be the death of you.
I hate that ache.
I hate that it's possible to love someone so much it hurts,
to give someone that kind of key.