Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Perfect Imperfection
If everything in life was perfect,
then there would be no need for dreams,
If there were no need for dreams,
there would be no need for love.
If there was no need for love,
there would be no need for life.
then there would be no need for dreams,
If there were no need for dreams,
there would be no need for love.
If there was no need for love,
there would be no need for life.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Finally
The words I have been writing fall into place and make sense to my heart.
Where there is love there are no expectations, no dependency.
I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you.
If you were to leave me,
I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely,
But I do not cling.
Where there is love there are no expectations, no dependency.
I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you.
If you were to leave me,
I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely,
But I do not cling.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am slowly going crazy 123456
Is it me.
Is it something I just can't wrap my head around.
Am I afraid?
Afraid of life, love, losing it all over again.
Afraid that I have let you in too far already.
Afraid that is all slipping away from me.
Afraid yes..
Am I falling?
Am I falling fast?
Is my heart racing?
Because I am pretty sure feeling your heart beat against my hand, is the closest I have ever felt to a person, I don't know what to expect.
I feel like I am walking on egg shells, and for no reason at all.
You didn't do anything.
You are just you.
I am just ME
Paranoid, optomistic, but I always expect the worst case scenario.
Maybe I ask you what's wrong because I feel like I did something.
Maybe I did.
Maybe I can't accept the burn, the truth, or even the lie.
I feel sick, you know the feeling you get when it is all ending.
I feel like that. I might be wrong. I might be right.
But I know you didn't say,
"good night"
I feel like I am irrational at times.
I feel like I have no control.
I feel like you can hurt me, and I don't know who you are.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I've worked hard to get where I am.
I have overcome a lot of emotions.
I have opened up to a lot of emotions.
And I have let go of some to.
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
I have overcome a lot of emotions.
I have opened up to a lot of emotions.
And I have let go of some to.
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Shoulda known better
Dear Unfit Mother,
I hate how fucking stupid you are.
The thought of you makes me want to hurl.
You have 4 of the cutest smartest and most polite little girls I have ever met.
You claim they are your world.
But you can't even provide them with beds, let alone their own rooms.
You barely feed them, your youngest gets her bum changed only if shes leaked through, or took a crap (and thats several hours later)
You hardly make sure the laundry is clean.
All these girls have is eachother.
You have failed as a mother.
Your inability to provide a stable lifestyle, and GET OFF THE DRUGS, disturbs me deeper then you will ever know.
Not only do you snort coke, smoke weed/cigarettes, but now you eat oxies and anything else you can get your hands on. ALL INFRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN.
Great Example you are setting.
Oh but wait...you don't do drugs, you only smoke pot.
You are so fuckin full of shit your eyes are brown.
If that is the fuckin truth, then back it up with a fuckin piss test,
you worthless fucking waste of skin.
I hate how fucking stupid you are.
The thought of you makes me want to hurl.
You have 4 of the cutest smartest and most polite little girls I have ever met.
You claim they are your world.
But you can't even provide them with beds, let alone their own rooms.
You barely feed them, your youngest gets her bum changed only if shes leaked through, or took a crap (and thats several hours later)
You hardly make sure the laundry is clean.
All these girls have is eachother.
You have failed as a mother.
Your inability to provide a stable lifestyle, and GET OFF THE DRUGS, disturbs me deeper then you will ever know.
Not only do you snort coke, smoke weed/cigarettes, but now you eat oxies and anything else you can get your hands on. ALL INFRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN.
Great Example you are setting.
Oh but wait...you don't do drugs, you only smoke pot.
You are so fuckin full of shit your eyes are brown.
If that is the fuckin truth, then back it up with a fuckin piss test,
you worthless fucking waste of skin.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn't like that. It's a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don't be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Dear Mason
Every morning, when I wake up,
and I get to see your face
I know that I was put on this Earth to be your mommy,
and it's irrelevent how bad things are or seem,
You always make me smile, and nothing else matters.
and I get to see your face
I know that I was put on this Earth to be your mommy,
and it's irrelevent how bad things are or seem,
You always make me smile, and nothing else matters.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
light me up
It's the smile that I know I have when I see you.
That's my favorite part.
No one can make me smile like you can.
That's my favorite part.
No one can make me smile like you can.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Heart Shy
She closes her eyes,
She breathes deeply,
She counts to 3,
She makes a tiny promise to herself,
that she won't care what he thinks,
because he'll think she's beautiful.
He closes his eyes,
He takes a deep breath,
He smiles,
He knows she is watching,
He wants her,
to let go of her fears,
and he would never make her uncomfortable,
He whispers a tiny secret, but without saying a word
I want to love all of you.
She has to let him first.
She thinks it's beautiful.
She breathes deeply,
She counts to 3,
She makes a tiny promise to herself,
that she won't care what he thinks,
because he'll think she's beautiful.
He closes his eyes,
He takes a deep breath,
He smiles,
He knows she is watching,
He wants her,
to let go of her fears,
and he would never make her uncomfortable,
He whispers a tiny secret, but without saying a word
I want to love all of you.
She has to let him first.
She thinks it's beautiful.
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